Purpose in the Pain

My world came crashing down

We were the talk of the town

Even those that mean well

They seem to bring me down

I just want to be alone

Strangers casting stones

Can’t bring back to life

That which has gone

Is there purpose in the pain?

Only part of me remains

God reveal to me

The wheels of destiny

If this is part of your plan

Please help me understand

Reveal to me before I go insane

The purpose in the pain

I sat at home broken

No words to be spoken

Life is just a game and

I am someone else’s token

A lonely empty place

Tears upon my face

God, you are my God

And I cling to your grace

Is there purpose in the pain?

Only part of me remains

God, reveal to me

The wheels of destiny

If this is part of your plan

Please help me understand

Reveal to me before I go insane

The purpose in the pain

Save Me Now

Do you feel the weight of the world that I feel as it crushes my soul into dust?

Iron sharpens iron but I feel that my iron sword has now turned into rust

I have lost my edge

I step out on the ledge

If there is a way somehow

I need you to save me now

Can you see the pain in the tears that I cry, as my whole world falls apart?

Can you close your eyes and listen to the sound of my shattering heart?

If there’s no beauty in pain

Has this life been in vain?

If there is a way somehow

I need you to save me now

Alone with the thoughts in my head, voices seem to call from the dark

The arrows that fly from the enemy’s bow always find their mark

There is such a heavy cost

I have never felt so lost

If there is a way somehow

I need you to save me now

If there is a way somehow

My God, please save me now

Only in Darkness

I have cut myself off from everyone

Retreated to my seclusion

Why even bother to try to explain

So I live inside my delusion

My world came crashing down

And people talk in this town

I sleep a lot to pass the time between the twelve hour shifts of sweat

I cry sometimes, but only in darkness, and stare down the demons I’ve met

Autopilot, like a hollow man, living in a world not his own

I cry sometimes, only in darkness, and dry my eyes before dawn

I work with my hands so not to think

Still my thoughts are instrusive

Trying to walk, or even crawl through hell

To find peace is elusive

My world is still on the ground

Peace just cannot be found

I sleep a lot to pass the time between the twelve hour shifts of sweat

I cry sometimes, but only in darkness, and stare down the demons I’ve met

Autopilot, like a hollow man, living in a world not his own

I cry sometimes, only in darkness, and dry my eyes before dawn

I finally found a few words I can write

And I hope that nobody reads them

Even my words are weapons against me

Consume every fiber you feed them

Pick up the pieces that I need

They cut me deep and I bleed

I sleep a lot to pass the time between the twelve hour shifts of sweat

I cry sometimes, but only in darkness, and stare down the demons I’ve met

Autopilot, like a hollow man, living in a world not his own

I cry sometimes, only in darkness, and dry my eyes before dawn

Rain on the Dust

Smell the raindrops falling on the dry earth

I think about life and death and rebirth

The bones that lay here beneath the ground

And of the souls that faith has never found

Dust turns to dust stirred by the wind

A haze lingers even when clouds rescend

Thirsty for life, and to soak up the rain

The greatest triumphs are born out of pain

Patiently I wait and I trust

I smell the rain on the dust

There is the sun breaking through a cloud

Light no longer hidden by its shroud

A ray of light shines upon the headstone

My confirmation that I am not alone

Dust turns to dust stirred by the wind

A haze lingers even when clouds rescend

Thirsty for life, and to soak up the rain

The greatest triumphs are born out of pain

So patiently I wait and I trust

I smell the rain on the dust

I take a rose and place it upon your grave

Think about death and the life you gave

Guess you have all the answers now

I just wish that I could see you somehow

Dust turns to dust stirred by the wind

A haze lingers even when clouds rescend

Thirsty for life, and to soak up the rain

The greatest triumphs are born out of pain

So patiently I wait and I trust

I smell the rain on the dust

This Is Not Real

There is a lot of pain and heavy sadness

I am with utter disdain in the madness

Like a dream fades away at daybreak

Leaves only confusion in its wake

This hurt that I feel is unreal

But I know its real for I feel

Please, your honor, I appeal

Tell me that this is not real

There’s a lot of tears and second guessing

My God, this is so damn depressing

Ripped away pieces of my soul

I feel that I have lost all control

This hurt that I feel is unreal

But I know its real for I feel

Please, your honor, I appeal

Tell me that this is not real

I hope if I wake up in the morning

This was just a dream as a warning

I promise to always hold you close to me

But I know such hope is only fantasy

This hurt that I feel is unreal

But I know its real for I feel

Please, your honor, I appeal

Tell me that this is not real

Bruises on my soul

Sweat upon my brow, and tear stains on my shirt

Must find a way somehow, to live beyond this hurt

There is pain in every step I take

I question every choice I make

Still I continue to live on a slow roll

Nursing all of the bruises on my soul

My Little Guy

The hardest thing I’ve ever done

Is call the law on my son

Second guess everything I’d done

Wonder where I let him down

I see the tears in his eyes

He’s not the only one that cries

Praying he will realize

I don’t want to let him down

These are hard days, son, we won’t see eye to eye

I never want to cause you pain or see you cry

It seems I can’t connect with you, even though I try

The almost grown man that used to be my little guy

I don’t know what to do or say

I feel like you have drifted away

Or have I led us all astray

I don’t when or how I went wrong

We used to sit at church on Sunday

As a family we would pray

Have I thrown it all away

We have drifted for too long

These are hard days, son, we won’t see eye to eye

I never want to cause you pain or see you cry

It seems I can’t connect with you, even though I try

The almost grown man that used to be my little guy

Know that my love is unending

We both could use some mending

These are hard days, son, we won’t see eye to eye

I never want to cause you pain or see you cry

It seems I can’t connect with you, even though I try

The almost grown man that used to be my little guy

Hurt Wrapped In Hope

I cry out for help from the Lord

I know the truth of His word

I pray for healing, silent and still

Then I say that I pray for His will

I can’t lie and say there’s no pain

I cry and feel I might go insane

My God is able, and is in control

Praying and waiting is taking a toll

I turn to scripture to help me cope

In psalms I find hurt wrapped in hope

I know that people mean well

But questions all add to my hell

Tired but I try my best to be strong

I mask the fear I have felt all along

I can’t lie and say there’s no pain

I cry and feel I might go insane

My God is able, and is in control

Praying and waiting is taking a toll

I turn to scripture to help me cope

In psalms I find hurt wrapped in hope

On my knees again, I pray and cry

I am weak and tired of asking why

I tremble and shake, tears fall free

God you are able, I know you hear me!

I can’t lie and say there’s no pain

I cry and feel I might go insane

My God is able, and is in control

Praying and waiting is taking a toll

I turn to scripture to help me cope

In psalms I find hurt wrapped in hope

Children of the age

She overdosed on methodone
Left her baby all alone
See his face and hear him cry
Now he thinks he wants to die

Children of the age we’re in
Paying for a father’s sin
Crying out in desparate need
In the shadows of our greed
Have we gone blind to the pain
We’d rather cast stones in vain
Convince ourselves of our lies
And stop our ears to the cries

He takes a blade to his arm
Escapes pain through self-harm
Will they notice, will they see
If he dies will he be free?

Children of the age we’re in
Paying for a father’s sin
Crying out in desparate need
In the shadows of our greed
Have we gone blind to the pain
We’d rather cast stones in vain
Convince ourselves of our lies
And stop our ears to the cries

He is a blackeye to his family
If he fades away no one will see
He is tired of trying but he tries
A hidden face that often cries

Children of the age we’re in
Paying for a father’s sin
Crying out in desparate need
In the shadows of our greed
Have we gone blind to the pain
We’d rather cast stones in vain
Convince ourselves of our lies
And stop our ears to the cries

He finds no answers only pain
He is convinced that he’s to blame

Days of Remembrance

We all have our own private Days of Remembrance, a date on the calendar that, at its best, causes pause. At its worse, the date can paralyze us with our own personal apprehension and fear.
On our private Days we remember events that shook our very core, moments in which our lives instantly changed. We can harbor feelings of guilt, regret, betrayal, and a host of others…often mixed and confused.
If you have made it to adulthood, you probably can relate to my words. You have lost a loved one, experienced tragedy, or life-changing betrayal.

Joseph surely remembered the day his brothers sold him into slavery. Betrayal by his own blood changed the course of his life. In a day of remembrance, face-to-face with his betrayers, Joseph saw the big picture. What was intended for evil had been used by God for His purpose.

We don’t always see the big picture…actually we seldom do. Knowing the characteristics of God, we can be certain that all things work together for the good of those that serve him.

When you have your own private Day of Remembrance, as I have today, do not be paralysed with fear or burdened with the pain of the past. Look back in recognition of what has shaped you into the person you are today. Ask God how this person, You, Today, can serve him.

The enemy of God intends to use your tragedy for evil, but God will use it to accomplish His good and perfect plan.