Lost in my art

When I get lost in my art

I don’t worry about my heart

The world may fall apart

But let the pieces fall

With each stroke I spill

Each emotion I reveal

I can pretend it isn’t real

And that my tears don’t fall

Am I the lost sheep of the fold

I soak the canvas with my soul

Obsessed I lose all control

Who has time to have a heart?

I have just one life to live

I give you all that I give

I distract myself from all this

When I get lost in my art

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Tomorrow Will Be A Living Hell

I take my last pill, like my last breath

It is bitter and tastes like death

It’s only human to be scared of the unknown

Will I pass on to the after

When did this become my master?

I chew it up with no drink to wash it down

Withdrawal is my purgatory

If I make it through, I will find glory

If I believe the stories that they tell

Sick in bed I will be crashing

The teeth of demons gnashing

Tomorrow I will be in a living hell

I am weary and my mouth is dry

I wonder could I quit if I really try

It’s only human to struggle with my sin

Has this pill become my greatest need?

Feels like I cut myself just so I can bleed?

I begin to heal just to rip the scab again

Withdrawal is my purgatory

If I make it through, I will find glory

If I believe the stories that they tell

Sick in bed I will be crashing

The teeth of demons gnashing

Tomorrow I will be in a living hell

I pour out my bottle like an offering

Oh the desperation that this pill brings

Only powdered residue is left behind

I will dump it into the palm of my hand

I guess only an addict would understand

Why do I act like I have lost my mind?

 

Withdrawal is my purgatory

If I make it through, I will find glory

If I believe the stories that they tell

Sick in bed I will be crashing

The teeth of demons gnashing

Tomorrow I will be in a living hell

 

Words and Silent Burps

I have been speaking the English language my entire life, give or take a couple of years. There are a few words that still give me trouble. The first one to come to mind is “rural.” So, I avoid using it. If you do not live in the city, you live in a “country” area, or “out in the country.”

I am not alone in my struggle with the English language. A friend of mine was recently reminded of his inability to pronounce the word, “toward.” He had avoided the word for so long, he forgot the problem was even there. It wasn’t until the word showed up on his kid’s elementary school vocabulary list, that he rediscovered his difficulty.

When he told me about it, I laughed. “I cannot say the word TOARD,” he then had to spell it out, because I really had no idea what he was saying. Mike normally doesn’t have much of an accent. I told him that he sounded like he was from a very rurrur country area.

Everyone must have a certain word that give them trouble. If speaking isn’t a problem, spelling is.

Sometimes the spelling of the word is so inaccurate that spellcheck can’t even help. I am very skilled at avoiding such words.

These flaws are common and show that we are not perfect. We do, however, avoid using them so to prevent our embarrassment.

Thinking of this brought to mind another embarrassment that I recently became aware of.

We are taught a code of conduct from birth. We grow and learn that certain actions and bodily functions are not appropriate in a social or professional setting. Unless you were raised in a barn, you do not fart or burp in these settings.

I long ago discovered a way to muffle or silence by burps. It’s a technique that I do not even know how to accurately describe. I close my mouth, burp and slowly release the air, silently. This technique allowed me to belch at the library, at business meetings, on dates, at weddings and at funerals. My silent belching ability was like a super power.

Was. It was like a super power.

A few months ago, I was playing with my seven-year-old daughter when I deployed one of my “silent burps.” She immediately said “excuse you!” What happened? Maybe I faltered on my technique. So I tried again. Once again, my daughter says, “Excuse you!” and added, “Daddy, that’s rude. You should say ‘excuse me.’”

Did she possess a super power that allowed her to hear my silent burps? I ran to the bedroom to silently burp in front of my wife. She eventually asked, ‘why are you standing there burping?’

I began to question everything as I came to the realization that my ‘silent burps’ were not silent, and they never had been. I recalled every instance that I proudly belched in a socially unacceptable setting. How rude I must have been.

This gaseous blunder had likely prevented me from gaining promotions, respect, and second dates. Thirty years-worth of embarrassment suddenly weighed heavy on my mind.

If I have ever inappropriately belched in your presence, I am sorry. I am, however, not one to dwell on the past. I see a learning opportunity in my misfortune.

 

Just as every person has a word they struggle to pronounce or a word they struggle to spell, we all have struggles of the spirit as well. We all have our sins that tempt us. We would do well to avoid the situations that tempt us.

Flee from Sin! Avoid the thing that entices you to sin as fervently as I avoid speaking the word rural!

Too often, we do not avoid the situations. We do not flee from our sins, we only attempt to employ a silencing technique.

Much as I silenced my belching, we silence our sins. Instead of avoiding alcohol, we pop a breath mint. Instead of avoiding lust, we use incognito mode on our web browser. Instead of avoiding hatred, we disguise it as a concern for salvation. We mask coveting with ambition. We bask in bitterness and call it righteousness.

A tree is known by the fruit that it bears. Our attempts to muffle our own sin is as futile as my attempts at silent belching. We work hard on our techniques to hide our moral failures, and may think we have been successful. But our sins are not silent. The consequences echo to those around us.

This also brings to mind the responsibility we have in correcting a brother in sin. If someone had only told me that my silent burps weren’t silent, I would have stopped my inappropriate burping years ago. We can’t assume that a person is aware of the impact of sin.

Outsmart My Addiction

I try to outsmart my addiction and I wrestle with my soul

I ration my prescription, I fight my body for control

Have I not learned at all

How much it hurts to fall

I try to prepare myself for tomorrow

I will lie in my bed of sweat and sorrow

A victim of this epidemic condition

Again I fail to outsmart my addiction

I try to make excuses but they have heard them all

Still I wait for the doctor to return my call

Have I not learned at all

How much it hurts to fall

So I prepare myself for tomorrow

I will lie in my bed of sweat of sorrow

A victim epidemic condition

Again I fail to outsmart my addiction

How can I play the victim when I know full well

I guess I am the one to blame for this living hell

It seems like I will never learn

I touch the flame just to feel the burn

So I prepare myself for tomorrow

I will lie in my bed of sweat and sorrow

A victim of this epidemic condition

Again I failed to outsmart my addiction

A World That Bleeds

The world is bleeding

Look around at the pain

Do you see the faces

That hide in their shame

Can you hear the crying

Of those in desperate need

Are you willing to go out

Into a world that bleeds

 

It is like a war zone

Broken bodies, broken minds

Will you help the wounded

Or run from what you find

There is much suffering

You see sin has left its mark

Hear wailing of the damned

That are blinded by the dark

 

Can you hear the crying

Of those in desperate need

Are you willing to go out

Into a world that bleeds

 

The earth is spinning

Too fast to slow down

Thoughts are mangled

Is there a savoir to be found

You know the answer

You vowed to spread the news

But you stand still

In the face of this refuse

 

Can you hear the crying

Of those in desperate need

Are you willing to go out

Into a world that bleeds

 

The world is bleeding

Look around at the pain

Do you see the faces

That hide in their shame

Longing for what is gone

Am I a failure?

Unable?

Or just disturbed

and Unstable?

My head is full of thoughts

Broken

I recall every word I left

Unspoken

Sitting in this chair

Alone

Longing for a feeling

That is gone

Jesus, Crucified

Religion is easily tainted by politics.

We easily drift into a position where we are serving two masters. We become devoted to one and we despise the other. We make our Christianity fit the mold of our political affiliation.

It is our responsibility to partake in the election process.

We should never, however, confuse political affiliation with godliness. We should not mix the two, for in the process Christianity suffers. We smear the image of Christ with our political talking points.

I have decided to not speak or write on partisan politics. I am a member of the Christian party, partisan to Jesus. This supersedes any earthly affiliations.

This nation is divided. If I, as a representative of Christ, speak from a political mindset, I immediately alienate half of my listeners. They will not hear the message of salvation through faith in Jesus. They will hear nothing of the forgiveness of sins and redemption. They will not hear the message of the greatest Love. They will be in a defensive posture, angry over politics.

No matter what political view I may have, there are others that are willing to argue that viewpoint. This world never has a shortage of people that are willing to speak on politics, and I am certain every possible viewpoint is represented.

I see a shortage of individuals will to stand up for God and God alone. My message should be one of salvation. The apostle Paul vowed to know nothing but Jesus crucified. It is my hope, to do the same.

Left my Christianity never be labelled ‘right wing’ or ‘liberal.’ I will always speak of Jesus and him Crucified. For our hope must rest on God alone, and the Son is the only savior of mankind.

Only God

God made horses to run
Free through the fields toward the setting sun

No one knows what I will become

Only God decides when this life is done
He alone is God
God and only God
Like the horses I will run
Until God’s will is done

He hung the stars in the sky
He calls me ‘son’, but who am I, who am I

I praise the Lord, come what may

Impossible for man, but God will make a way

Around me the saints all pray

While I lay, while I lay

God made horses to run

Free through the fields toward the setting sun

He knows each hair on my head

Numbered the days behind me and ahead

He alone is God,

God and only God

Like the horses I will run

Until God’s will is done

He hung the stars in the sky

Who am I

Who am I

Tired Mind

My brain is about to explode

It’s an information overload

I can’t process, though I have tried

It’s like my motherboard is fried

Every circuit is overheated

Crucial files have been deleted

I stand here frozen like the screen

Of a now obsolete machine

I can’t connect, can’t shut down

Like a circle spinning around

Overburdened and tired mind

Within these walls I am confined

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