9th of December

I was seventeen, so many years ago

When I felt the cold wind of eternity blow

A broken heart, drenched in my own tears

My frigid reality was frozen in fear

Years go by but every now and then

I find myself wondering what might have been

Today my mind is on the ninth of December

The winter chill in the air, and I remember

I am different, I am better somehow

Sometimes I wish she could see me now

I am still broken, but now I see we all are

Some of us bare a more visible scar

Years go by but every now and then

I find myself wondering what might have been

Today my mind is on the ninth of December

The winter chill in the air, and I remember

And now a drizzle of rain starts to fall

I remember the pain of it all

My tears add to the puddle on the ground

I wish you could see this new life I have found

Years go by but every now and then

I find myself wondering what might have been

Today my mind is on the ninth of December

The winter chill in the air, and I remember

My Art Frenzy

My art frenzy began after days of looking into a broken mirror.

I get these ideas, and I can’t explain them…I just have to roll with it.

i

I am not very patient. I had to speed up the plaster of paris drying process.

After the plaster was set, I applied some Gesso.

Then I started painting.

And thats the result of a 3-4 hour frenzy of creative madness.

I will add so minor details tomorrow after everything is dry and set.

Marginal Christmas Funds

We all have people that fall into the ‘marginal’ category on our Christmas shopping list. This group of people will be gifted tins of popcorn or Royal Dansk cookies, fruitcake or Chia Pets.

I have a simple idea. If I happen to fall into your ‘marginal’ list, please consider a $5 to $10 donation to one of the following funds.

  • Light-up the holidays Fund – this fund will light up my Christmas, by paying my electric bill.
  • Home For rhe Holidays Fund – This fund will help pay rent, ensuring that I do indeed have a home for the holidays.
  • Empty Tank Fund – Because this Santa’s sleigh runs on Gasoline, and my tank is near E.
  • Out of The Red Fund – This fund will offset my Christmas expenses, and ensure my back account stays out of the red.

So, once again, if you find my name on your “marginal” list, please consider one of the above funds.

( disclaimer: The above listed funds are fictional, but I will never refuse donations via messenger)

( disclaimer 2: This entire post is ‘humor’ and should not be interpreted to represent any deeper ‘unbefitting’ beliefs or actions)

Thanksgiving Reflection

Another year, and I have been feeling like a failure. Feeling like I can’t stand on my own feet and provide for my family.

My own mistakes have cost me. My car was repoed and I only have myself to blame.

The flu has been working through my family, making it a difficult week.

We went grocery shopping and bought everything we needed for a good Thanksgiving dinner.

Today, eating leftovers, a neighbor kid was over. I offered to make him a plate.

This kid thinks we are rich. In the midst of our struggles, repoed car, credit card debt, student loan debts, etc., he sees what we take for granted.

He had never had pecan pie, a dish I thought everyone had eaten. He did not know what a sweet potato was, and thought cheesecake was something made of actual cheese. He has never learned simple things, that we assume everyone knows. His home is full of drug abuse and poverty, and possible neglect and abuse.

Today, the day after Thanksgiving, I took a break from my self-pity. Looking at life, at my family around me, I am truly thankful. I am thankful for the blessings I take for granted. I am thankful that my God forgives me for the times I am ungrateful.

Will You See Me

I don’t feel a thing, its like I’m frozen by the chill

I look at my ring, and then I take another pill

I try to spark a fire, but you just go to bed

What happened to desire? Is it really dead?

Do you see me? Do you see my desparation?

Do you know me? Do you know my frustration?

I sleep on the sofa, it is easier that way

Will you see me before it is too late

Fallen State

“From the sidelines I see, a depiction of humanity
In all its vainglory, the continuing story — of the fallen state of man

News on my TV, the presence of the enemy
wicked our hearts, blind since the start — of this fallen state we’re in”

A Great Lady

I woke up to a text message on my phone

The greatest lady I know has moved on

She was the anchor of our family

Now the baton is handed to me

A great lady from the greatest generation

A portrait of courage and admiration

Life’s a relay race, and her leg of the race is done

I’m holding the baton, trying to decide which way to run

This day seems to be in slow-motion

I have felt such a mix of emotion

How am I? Everyone is asking me

I look in the mirror, its her eyes I see

A great lady from the greatest generation

A portrait of courage and admiration

Life’s a relay race, and her leg of the race is done

I’m holding the baton, trying to decide which way to run

Mom, you will be missed

But I know I have been blessed

A great lady from the greatest generation

A portrait of courage and admiration

Life’s a relay race, and her leg of the race is done

I’m holding the baton, trying to decide which way to run

Save Me Again

If it’s your will, save me again

Save me from myself, once again

On my own, no way to win

If it’s your will, save me again

I am down and out once more

I have been this way before

And I deserve nothing more

I am sinful to the core

If it’s your will, save me again

Save me from myself, once again

On my own, no way to win

If it’s your will, save me again

Every failure feels the same

There’s only me to blame

Now I call upon your name

You saved me from the flame

If it’s your will, save me again

Save me from myself, once again

On my own, no way to win

If it’s your will, save me again

Wash away the crimson stain

So that only you remain

They’ll be sorrow, they’ll be pain

But it will not be in vain

If it’s your will, save me again

Save me from myself, once again

On my own, no way to win

If it’s your will, save me again

I breakdown

I feel a mental breakdown coming on

I feel it in my heart and in my bones

I sweat and I ache, and my body starts to shake. Its more than I can take, psychologically I break.

I Breakdown.

I must admit I’ve felt this way before

And I know that I must live it once more.

I sweat and I ache, and my body starts to shake. Its more than I can take, psychologically I break.

I Breakdown.

I feel that there is nowhere to run

So inwardly I go and come undone

I sweat and I ache, and my body starts to shake. Its more than I can take, psychologically I break.

I Breakdown.

Tennessee Mountain Morning

The valley runs as deep as my soul

Frigid air, the cold wind blows

I watch my breath as it disappears

Mist of smoke fades into the clear

It’s a Tennessee mountain morning

I fight the urge to crawl back to bed

The leaves have fallen from the trees

And in the stillness there is peace

The mountain air helps clear my head

The ground is frozen beneath my feet

I work hard just to have food to eat

I might be low class, white trash and poor

But somehow it doesn’t matter anymore

It’s a Tennessee mountain morning

I fight the urge to crawl back to bed

The leaves have fallen from the trees

And in the stillness there is peace

The mountain air helps clear my head

The valley runs deep as my soul

Frigid air and the cold wind blows

I watch my breath fade and disappear

And suddenly everything is clear