My Frozen Heart

My heart was frozen for a while

Then I met the warmth of your smile

You held my hand and I started to feel

Numbness replaced by love that was real
Did you love me so I could feel pain?

Were things you said and did only a game

I spent many years building up my wall

A whisper from your lips made it fall
My tender heart pierced with a knife

Mortally wounded by the love of my life

I bleed out right here where I stand

You calmly smile and wash you hands
Did you love me so I could feel pain?

Were things you said and did only a game

I spent years building up my wall

A whisper from your lips made it fall
Do you carry guilt for your wrong?

Or was this your plan all along?

I wish I had known from the start

I would have kept my frozen heart

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Everything is out of my hands

I don’t even understand 

why do I bother to make a plan 

everything is out of my hands 

I’m doing the best that I can 

I move so fast 

I lose control 

I finish last 

because I’m too slow 

everything I see is maddening 

and I see nothing to gain 

oh no it’s happening 

I think I’m going insane 

I need some help

because I can’t focus 

If I Lose Myself 

will anyone notice?

I must slow my thoughts

And walk by the river 

Remember what Jesus taught

In the sermon he delivered
We will be comforted

We will inherit the earth

We will be filled with the righteousness

For which we hunger and thirst

Though persecuted, 

mournful and meek

We are pure of heart

Our God, we will see

The end of August is upon us

The end of August is upon us. I would like to reflect and say ‘thank you’ to all that have liked, commented or followed my blog. It has been a big month of growth.

I have also been in the midst of a Creative Binge.

I had planned on posting mostly old poems I had written, but managed to post at least 40 brand new poems this month. I think it has been the most productive month of my life, when it comes to writing.

I started writing the way I naturally write, and stopped trying to conform to any sort of expectations. I have been damming up my river of creativity for years, but this month I decided to let it flow.

For me, it takes more of an effort NOT to write, than to write. I create most of my poetry while doing something else. While driving to buy art supplies, I wrote Beauty of The Broken. Driving home from work, My mind is a desk in a dust storm. While doing medial tasks at work, I’ve written, Master of our fate – We PretendNever Learn How To Fly, and Tick, Tick, Tick  just to name a few.

I started an extra 2 hours each day, doing the humbling task of cleaning restrooms. This time has been my most productive time. I have written My Daughter’s Wonderland,  Common EnemyA walk amongst the graves and many more while cleaning.

It is frustrating at times, because my creative often distracts me from the task at hand…but there is no on and off switch.

I am at the beginning the last semester at Dallas Theological Seminary. I must focus on finishing my studies well. I am a little fearful of trying to halt the river of creativity that has been running so rapidly through my veins.

As August ends, September looms.

Some flowers die, while other ones bloom.

Wind carries the scent of change in the air

We drift along between hope and despair

This is My Art

The screen is my canvas, for this is my art

I dip the brush of my words into my heart

My heart bleeds onto the page as I write

Depicting the shadows cast by the light

 

This is my art, this is my style

Sometimes it’s dark and laced with denial

It may sound like a voice in your head

Repeating all the words that you read 
Emotions mix like colors on a wheel

A deeper hue to highlight the surreal

I open my soul and bare all my pain

If nobody cares, is it all done in vain?
This is my art, my obsession

Some say I only hide my depression

They act concerned about my mental state

Sometimes I scare them with what I create

My Vintage Childhood Memories

Once upon a time I was a wee lil’ lad

I didn’t even know that we had it bad

Momma and Daddy never complained

But I do recall mama cussin’ the rain

Dad would work until his fingers bled

Doing his best to keep his kids fed

Holes in the roof I could see the stars

And wished on them that I would go far

 

From that blue house on a dead end street

With background chirps from parakeets

Where this train of thought takes me

To my Vintage childhood memories

 

I remember when I was 5 yrs old

Pretty woman playing on the radio

In my dad’s brown Datsun hatchback

Going to the store for Little Debbie Snacks

The greatest thing on God’s green earth

Eating Cap’n Crunch and watching the smurfs

Though that house was a rundown shack

My mind has a tendency to wander back

 

To that blue house on a dead end street

With background chirps from parakeets

Where this train of thought takes me

To my Vintage childhood memories

 

 

 

 

 

I feel my sanity coming unglued

Night time seems to be the worst

I get so angry, I think that I might burst

Everything gets under my skin

I try to overcome it, but I fail again
So many things that I should do

So many pieces spinning around

I feel my sanity coming unglued

At slightest little sound
At this point I’ve lost control 

Like a wheel that starts to roll

As for me I have no brakes 

No way to slow down my mistakes
So many noises in my head

I cannot focus on just one sound

So many shadows on this bed

Lying in wait for me to lay down
Full speed ahead until I crash

All of my thoughts are smashed

Exhausted from life I collapse

Tomorrow I will relapse
Nothing else I can do

The ceiling spins around

I long ago came unglued

And the pieces can’t be found

If a Bird Spends A Lifetime Trying To Swim

If a bird spends a lifetime trying to swim,

Soon he’ll forget how to fly

We spend a lifetime running from Him

And we don’t even know why

I am made in His image

I am tainted by sin

Tension comes with this

Explains the struggle within

 

If a bird spends a lifetime learning to swim

He will not be able to fly

Wet from the waters of every whim

He will shiver and die

Fighting against his nature

Never testing his wings

So it is with the allure

To chase and taste everything

 

If a bird spends a lifetime learning to swim

Soon he’ll forget he can fly

He’ll have no thoughts of the nature within

He’ll never to spread his wings and try

He’ll work hard to attain his wish

Convince himself he is free

He’ll think he is like all of the fish

And drift away, lost at sea

 

The Water May Rise

It’s easier to sleep than to awaken

Though the storm roars outside my window

I will not to be stirred, will not be shaken

Drifting far away as the wind blows

 

The water may rise

I close my eyes

Back to a beautiful dream

I try to ignore

The wolf at my door

Pretend it is not as it seems

 

I don’t want to leave the comfort of my bed

Sirens warn that destruction is on its way

Into a pile of pillows, I will bury my head

Why should I believe what warnings say?

 

The water may rise

I close my eyes

Back to a beautiful dream

I try to ignore

The wolf at my door

Pretend it is not as it seems

 

I did not want to leave the comfort that I had

The comfort of embracing my wicked heart

I kept telling myself, it really is not bad

Disbelief has been a crutch from the start

 

The water may rise

You close your eyes

Hide in a beautiful sin

Try to ignore

The pounding at your door

Stopping your ears up again

 

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